Coming across perfectionism in an individual way.

I’m not a perfectionist and have never wanted things to be perfect. But the word perfectionism is quite popular to describe what I’m about to. I have to admit that I have a “high demand self” . This is how I named my perfectionism and it’s the understanding I built to comprehend and reflect on the impact in my life, the others around me and it effects.

To every new experience in my life, either a new challenge at work, or a new subject, a new recipe, a hand-made activity or a system literally anything; I’m one hundred percent willing to do it right from the first attempt. And we all know that when we make mistakes is when we learn the most. However, when I try something new and usually I do from the best of my knowledge, based on what I have learned or observe others to do it. At the majority of attempts I get it wrong, and the first feedback I receive, I see as criticism. After a while I started to realise that this criticism has a double weight because it comes from the external world but even harshly from my inner self.

From time to time I get frustrated because as curious as I am with everything in life. The daily busy life, house, work and relationships I keep complaining that I never have time to do the things I want to. Either at work or at home on personal stuff. And also this is what I heard from most of my friends: I didn’t have the time to do that.

We all know that we can make the time. There is no lack of time but there are choices. However this “high demand self” doesn’t except choices. The “high demand self” want you to embrace everything.

This comes with a very well-known behaviour called self-defence. This is when you deny you are not well, you deny that it’s time to quit something and to open doors and time for that project, task or activity you are postponing. On several occasions in my life this self-defence comes with irritation and annoyance feelings. It’s like I am a tick-tac bomb about to explode. And those around me are the ones who suffer the most.

We also tend to blame the world for this lack of time, for not being able to concentrate on things we want to or either for not being able to finish something at work. The truth is the problem is not the others but you inner “high demand self”. That’s why I don’t see as perfectionism because I do not want to do things in the outstanding way. But perhaps I need the time. It’s a fantasy I created that with the time I shall be able to not make mistake and get it right at first.

It has been quiet a long journey to acknowledge and understand what triggered all these feelings and mainly connect them. My “high demand self” operates two functions inside of me. On one side it impulses me to grow and develop. On other occasions holds me back and let the feelings of frustration and complains dominating me. Which automatically causes a feeling of lost.

I’m still learning how to live with my “high demand self”. And in my conversation with friends I noticed their feelings are very similar. What I also came to realise is that the more I talk and the more I share the more I get to know closer my “high demand self” and the effects in my personal life.

*Image: Joan Cornella